I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
