he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
