FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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