I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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