i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
