Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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