how can u be prego again
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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