Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
