My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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