no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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