there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
