can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
