There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I want a musical about memes.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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