It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
