Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
