nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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