So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Don't tell me you're on acid again
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
