I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
