You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
