i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He better not be in your backpack
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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