If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
