mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
