why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
