you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Randomize
