We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
