my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
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i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
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I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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