I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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