your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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