Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
