After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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