he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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