can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
