Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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