he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
