There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
