I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
