everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
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