Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
