I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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