everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
