i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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