Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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