Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
