How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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