cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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