Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
