i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
This can only be settled by a dance off.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
