My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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