I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
