I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Randomize
