Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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