dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
