Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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