grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
