I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
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