Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
