I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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