1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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