glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
