PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
