I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
too bad you live with your parents still
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
