Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
