3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
